.............

A few years ago I attended a church called Cityside Baptist in Auckland, and I guess losely (it's a right bugger of a commute, though) I still do. There is a fairly set order of service, with one of the first things being a 'Call to Worship', which can take pretty much any form, and which can be done by anyone (so long as they are on the ubiquitous church rota). Quite often it can be a chant, a poem, or a piece of music. I had recently bought Groove Armada's Back to Mine album, which contains, in my just opinion, the second most perfect song I've heard; that being the last track, Pharaohs. The only truly perfect song is Fake Plastic Trees by Radiohead. Pharaohs is a track that is a combination of a gently rolling drum, some discordant piano, some guitar and some spoken word. It's only after a while that you realise that the spoken word is the UK shipping forecast and the guitar is the riff from 'Everybody Wants to Rule the World' by Tears for Fears. It is possibly the most relaxing song I know. So I decided to volunteer for the call to worship with the intention of playing this song. I stood up and introduced it as an extremely relaxing song, pressed play and went to the back and lay down (Cityside doesn't 'do' chairs). Was I relaxed? Was I bollocks. I was streesed throughout as I felt as if I had laid myself wide open, as if to say, this is something really important to me, and um, I hope you like it. I think they did. At least one person in the congregation went out and bought the album. One of the great things about Cityside, those who stand up at the front get to indulge themselves....

Last night Hammer and Tongue (the Oxford poetry people) had 'An evening with Taylor Mali'. Most people who know me in Oxford know that I am a big fan of his, and I kinda spread the word round hOME, selling it as a great night out and that they'd be fools to miss it. Surprisingly, my promotional skills succeeded, and a sizeable bunch of homies turned up. What I experienced was a very similar feeling to that morning in Auckland. I sat there fretting about how the others were liking it, how they would respond to it.... I like this guy, and I like those H&T people and I like what they do and how they do it, and I like the audience... This matters to me it felt like I was leaving myself just a little bit exposed. Granted, there were others who knew, Kate, Justice, Nita, Jim, Naomi etc, but I still stressed. But then, I can't not stress.

This morning I wear a contented, but very tired smile. They all loved it and most of 'em plan to come to the big slam.

Evangelism is a word that both frightens and repulses me. But this morning I feel like an evangelist.

Sigh......