Every six months or so I put a Beth Orton album on. I remember in the hazy times of my twenties her video for She Cries Your Name, and thought she looked a little like a friend of mine. The next time I encountered her was in 1999 driving home to Northcote on Auckland's North Shore and hearing Stolen Car from Central Reservation. It was a sunny afternoon as I sped along the Northcote off-ramp on the Northern Motorway. And I loved it. It's a rare thing that I can place the first time I heard a song. (About the only other ones I can think of is Chicago from Groove Armada's Vertigo (one of the songs that changed my world), and Snappy from the Groove Armada Back to Mine mix album. Both were in my office at Harrison Grierson in Newmarket). But back to Beth. Every now and again I seem to bump into her. Once it was on a Chemical Brothers album (Come With Us) and another time it was on a William Orbit mix. Strange Cargo 3, I think.
As I say, every six months or so I put her on and almost invariably she hits the spot. Tonight she was the background to a candlelit (ha!) MSN conversation with a very good pal and accompanied by the end of the Chianti from Saturday night.
Monday, January 30, 2006
More on Jim's sermon
I've just listened to Jim's sermon again. My initial blog on this simply does not do it justice. My sincere apologies, Jim, for forgetting the main point of your sermon.
For the rest of you, I really encourage you to listen to it. I can't summarise his point anymore eloquently than how Jim has already spoken it.
But I've removed some of the more trite aspects of the original entry. Actually, I've rewritten it a whole lot.
Thanks, Jim. That was something special.
For the rest of you, I really encourage you to listen to it. I can't summarise his point anymore eloquently than how Jim has already spoken it.
But I've removed some of the more trite aspects of the original entry. Actually, I've rewritten it a whole lot.
Thanks, Jim. That was something special.
An inappropriate forum
This weekend Idris watched the entire first series of Lost. All 25 episodes or seventeen and a half hours of it. Last night he texted me to ask me what it's all about.
Assuming I could explain it, somehow explaining it via text message didn't seem the best forum...
Assuming I could explain it, somehow explaining it via text message didn't seem the best forum...
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Bliss...
...is waking up at 8.30am on a Sunday morning and drifting in and out of sleep in a warm bed while watching the Australian Open men's final.
The man, the movement, the machine, the monument
Update: The podcast is there now. Say a prayer for Jim when you listen to it.
Tonight at hOME, Jim preached on the presentation of the infant Jesus at the temple. In preaching on this, he talked about the four stages of the development of a movement. I'm thinking I'm going to have to listen to this again. There is a podcast of it here. Anyhoos, Jim referred to the fours stages of the development of a movement. Those four stages being:
I: The man/woman who has an idea. If you like you can go with Jesus as the man/woman. The man/woman with the idea generates...
II: ...a movement. Going with the Jesus analogy you can go with the disciples and the crowds who in turn...
III: ...generate a machine. Sticking with the Jesus thing, this would be the theology. Finally, the machine needs a house so we get...
IV: ...the monument.
And somewhere along the line we sucked into a position where we worship the movement, the machine or the monument. Where they became sacred and we can't tinker with them. Because they're scared. It's a bit like a celebrity who is famous for being famous. And Jim made the point that we are not only called to worship the man/woman, but also to follow them too. Which isn't to say that movement/machine/monument are bad, because they aren't in themselves, but to recognise where they are assisting our understanding the man/woman. It reminds me of the R.E.M song where Michael Stipe sings 'I can't say that I love Jesus, that would be a hollow claim. He did make some observations and I'm quoting them today'. Sometimes I think I walk a very fine line between loving the man and loving the idea of Jesus. Maybe that's the narrow path.
In describing the four stages, Jim tried to reconcile the four stages to the very recent and very raw death of a close friend of his. In reminding us that we are called to follow the man, not the movement, we are invited to see how we can walk with our fellow men and women when they suffer. He quotes Churchill; 'when you find yourself walking through hell, keep going'. Jim then invited us to follow Jesus as we share the pain with those in suffering
Geddit? Oh damnit, just listen to the podcast. It's only thirteen minutes long.
Just some food for thought on a Sunday night.
Tonight at hOME, Jim preached on the presentation of the infant Jesus at the temple. In preaching on this, he talked about the four stages of the development of a movement. I'm thinking I'm going to have to listen to this again. There is a podcast of it here. Anyhoos, Jim referred to the fours stages of the development of a movement. Those four stages being:
I: The man/woman who has an idea. If you like you can go with Jesus as the man/woman. The man/woman with the idea generates...
II: ...a movement. Going with the Jesus analogy you can go with the disciples and the crowds who in turn...
III: ...generate a machine. Sticking with the Jesus thing, this would be the theology. Finally, the machine needs a house so we get...
IV: ...the monument.
And somewhere along the line we sucked into a position where we worship the movement, the machine or the monument. Where they became sacred and we can't tinker with them. Because they're scared. It's a bit like a celebrity who is famous for being famous. And Jim made the point that we are not only called to worship the man/woman, but also to follow them too. Which isn't to say that movement/machine/monument are bad, because they aren't in themselves, but to recognise where they are assisting our understanding the man/woman. It reminds me of the R.E.M song where Michael Stipe sings 'I can't say that I love Jesus, that would be a hollow claim. He did make some observations and I'm quoting them today'. Sometimes I think I walk a very fine line between loving the man and loving the idea of Jesus. Maybe that's the narrow path.
In describing the four stages, Jim tried to reconcile the four stages to the very recent and very raw death of a close friend of his. In reminding us that we are called to follow the man, not the movement, we are invited to see how we can walk with our fellow men and women when they suffer. He quotes Churchill; 'when you find yourself walking through hell, keep going'. Jim then invited us to follow Jesus as we share the pain with those in suffering
Geddit? Oh damnit, just listen to the podcast. It's only thirteen minutes long.
Just some food for thought on a Sunday night.
Nomal Service
A couple of conversations have steadied the ship. The first was with Megs, where she told me to be a man. Quite right. I'm 31 for goodness sake. After all the supportive conversations, it was jolly useful to have someone lavishly take the piss out of me.
The second was with Jim and Anne last night over dinner. Jim's a great fan of technology. Anne would rather it wasn't there at all. We had a very pleasant evening over a bottle of Chianti and a chicken pasta dinner. Anne questioned the whole point of blogdom, and finds reading them rather invasive, much like another friend of mine. Jim's response is that blogdom is what you make it to be and that in my case mine has always been rather personal. Except for that period where I went through a series of badly written gig reviews. What was I thinking?? Anyways, the conclusion that was arrived at was that it's good to talk about stuff out loud, but there is a time and a place for it. It's useful for people to talk about their issues, and I think we all should do. However, I think I've taken it too far. So... let's just acknowledge that there is some crap in my world, and that I'm talking about it with people. I'm just not doing it here. And that's why some posts have mysteriously disappeared.
Now that feels better. So less angsty drama queen stuff here.
Phew!
The second was with Jim and Anne last night over dinner. Jim's a great fan of technology. Anne would rather it wasn't there at all. We had a very pleasant evening over a bottle of Chianti and a chicken pasta dinner. Anne questioned the whole point of blogdom, and finds reading them rather invasive, much like another friend of mine. Jim's response is that blogdom is what you make it to be and that in my case mine has always been rather personal. Except for that period where I went through a series of badly written gig reviews. What was I thinking?? Anyways, the conclusion that was arrived at was that it's good to talk about stuff out loud, but there is a time and a place for it. It's useful for people to talk about their issues, and I think we all should do. However, I think I've taken it too far. So... let's just acknowledge that there is some crap in my world, and that I'm talking about it with people. I'm just not doing it here. And that's why some posts have mysteriously disappeared.
Now that feels better. So less angsty drama queen stuff here.
Phew!
Friday, January 27, 2006
Thursday, January 26, 2006
From the Kite Runner
"I loved him because he was my friend, but also because he was a good man, maybe even a great man. And this is what I want you to understand, that good, real good, was born out of your father's remorse. Sometimes, I think everything he did, feeding the poor on the streets, building the orphanage, giving money to friends in need, it was all his way of redeeming himself. And that, I believe, is what true redemption is, Amir jan, when guilt leads to good.
I know that in the end, God will forgive. He will forgive your father, me and you too. I hope you can do the same. Forgive your father if you can. Forgive me if you wish. But most important, forgive yourself."
I know that in the end, God will forgive. He will forgive your father, me and you too. I hope you can do the same. Forgive your father if you can. Forgive me if you wish. But most important, forgive yourself."
-Khaled Hosseini
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Hijacking
Ryanair is now going to charge passengers for checking in baggage. Every item checked in after March 16 will incur a £2.50 charge. Well, well, well... Fancy a passenger wanting to have luggage. We have to pay for the seat, the food and now the luggage. Maybe they'll start charging for the safety announcement. This latest charge aggravates me so very much.
And how will passengers respond? I bet they respond by not checking in anything and carrying bigger and bigger pieces of luggage on board as carry-on baggage. The amount of people currently dragging oversized bags on board and blocking the narrow aisles is already frustrating, and this is only going to make things so much worse.
They're having a giraffe.
And how will passengers respond? I bet they respond by not checking in anything and carrying bigger and bigger pieces of luggage on board as carry-on baggage. The amount of people currently dragging oversized bags on board and blocking the narrow aisles is already frustrating, and this is only going to make things so much worse.
They're having a giraffe.
As high as a kite
On Saturday night I was at a bit of a loose end. When I mentioned this to Wendy she asked me what I was reading. I replied that I hadn't been reading anything for months. She suggested then I that I wander down to Borders, find a book and then go home and read it. She recommended The Time Traveller's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger. So I duly took myself down to Borders and bought the said book. But I also picked up Himalaya by Michael Palin, as I'm hoping to visit Mike and Sarah (and the delightful Caragh, Mari and Alex, my favourite little people) when they move to Nepal in October, and The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini.
I started on the latter book first and I am loving it. It's the story of a rather selfish boy growing up in the 1970's in Afghanistan and his relationship with his servant and his father. I'm only a hundred pages or so into it, but I am absolutely taken by it.
I should point out that on Saturday night after returning from Borders I didn't actually read any of the books. Oh no, I watched the Peacemaker with Clooney and Kidman, and followed it up with Match of the Day....
I started on the latter book first and I am loving it. It's the story of a rather selfish boy growing up in the 1970's in Afghanistan and his relationship with his servant and his father. I'm only a hundred pages or so into it, but I am absolutely taken by it.
I should point out that on Saturday night after returning from Borders I didn't actually read any of the books. Oh no, I watched the Peacemaker with Clooney and Kidman, and followed it up with Match of the Day....
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
On the Beach
I have to put this here so I can change my display photo. I need to give blogger a link to play with. This photo is remarkable in that I think I have actually been photographed well here. There is only a little bit of smugness on display.
Apparently it needed to be smaller.
Instant karma - it's gonna get you
Yesterday while having breakfast I spotted a mouse running across the floor. So last night I set a trap and this morning had the task of throwing the mouse (or another one very like it) into the rubbish bin.
Then this morning I went out to scrape ice off my car. When I reached my car I discovered that I no longer had an intact rear windscreen. Instead it was all over my boot and backseat.
Idris insists I had a meeting with karma. But I think he's a hippy.
Then this morning I went out to scrape ice off my car. When I reached my car I discovered that I no longer had an intact rear windscreen. Instead it was all over my boot and backseat.
Idris insists I had a meeting with karma. But I think he's a hippy.
Friday, January 20, 2006
Thursday, January 19, 2006
The Blues
On Monday night, when I was a little low, I caught The Simpsons. It is the one were Lisa is sent out of class for 'feeling sad'. Late in the show she meets bluesman Bleeding Gums Murphy. She plays the Blues with him. At the end she observes that she doesn't feel any better. His response?
"The Blues isn't about feeling better, it's about making other people feel worse, and making a few bucks while you're at it."
This still makes me smile.
"The Blues isn't about feeling better, it's about making other people feel worse
This still makes me smile.
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
A New Day
Today I am feeling a lot more hopeful about it all. Whatever 'it' is. I went to sleep last night feeling at ease with my world and where I am in my world. Somehow it felt certain that I was being remembered in prayers and that was comforting. And someone has reminded me that it's best not to make rash decisions until I'm in a more peaceful frame of mind. Wise words. Although it seems a bit of an oxymoron to make a rash decision when peaceful...
So today I feel ok. Not so naive to believe I'm fixed.
I ran three miles at lunch with my friend Wiki. Did it in 24 minutes and 47 seconds. It's the first time I've run in months. Two blisters to show for it and after an hour I am finally regaining some strength in my arms. I'm not sure if I feel better for it!
So today I feel ok. Not so naive to believe I'm fixed.
I ran three miles at lunch with my friend Wiki. Did it in 24 minutes and 47 seconds. It's the first time I've run in months. Two blisters to show for it and after an hour I am finally regaining some strength in my arms. I'm not sure if I feel better for it!
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
By the way
To deal with and understand things that are on my mind, I often talk about them. It allows me to cope with them. For far too much of my life I kept things inside and that was unhealthy.
If my airing of things that affect me in public bothers you, or makes you uncomfortable, too bad. Deal with it. I am.
If my airing of things that affect me in public bothers you, or makes you uncomfortable, too bad. Deal with it. I am.
The Military Industrial Complex
(This one isn't about me)
On the Daily Show tonight, Jon Stewart interviewed Eugene Jarecki who has made a film called "Why We Fight". The film is an examination of why we go to war. In the film he quotes a speech made by Dwight D. Eisenhower that was made three days before he finished his second term as President of the US. For those of you who don't know much about Eisenhower, he was the mastermind behind the D-Day landings and was the supreme commander of the allied forces in their attempt to defeat Hitler. So a man with a lot of background in the armed forces, and one who had been initmately involved with them for fifty years.
In the speech, made in 1960 he makes the following extraordinary warning about the Military Industrial Complex (indeed, I think he coined the phrase):
On the Daily Show tonight, Jon Stewart interviewed Eugene Jarecki who has made a film called "Why We Fight". The film is an examination of why we go to war. In the film he quotes a speech made by Dwight D. Eisenhower that was made three days before he finished his second term as President of the US. For those of you who don't know much about Eisenhower, he was the mastermind behind the D-Day landings and was the supreme commander of the allied forces in their attempt to defeat Hitler. So a man with a lot of background in the armed forces, and one who had been initmately involved with them for fifty years.
In the speech, made in 1960 he makes the following extraordinary warning about the Military Industrial Complex (indeed, I think he coined the phrase):
"Until the latest of our world conflicts, the United States had no armaments industry. American makers of plowshares could, with time and as required, make swords as well. But now we can no longer risk emergency improvisation of national defense; we have been compelled to create a permanent armaments industry of vast proportions. Added to this, three and a half million men and women are directly engaged in the defense establishment. We annually spend on military security more than the net income of all United States corporations.
This conjunction of an immense military establishment and a large arms industry is new in the American experience. The total influence -- economic, political, even spiritual -- is felt in every city, every State house, every office of the Federal government. We recognize the imperative need for this development. Yet we must not fail to comprehend its grave implications. Our toil, resources and livelihood are all involved; so is the very structure of our society."
The next bit is particularly astonishing for a man in his position to declare:"In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military industrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist.
We must never let the weight of this combination endanger our liberties or democratic processes. We should take nothing for granted. Only an alert and knowledgeable citizenry can compel the proper meshing of the huge industrial and military machinery of defense with our peaceful methods and goals, so that security and liberty may prosper together."
Fate
In response to the previous entry, my pal Jolinda suggested that I toss a coin. My response to her was to tell her that tossing a coin frightens me so much I can't even think about it. Now what does that say about my approach to fate? Even thinking about a 'dummy toss' makes me recoil.
Fate? It's a crock of shit, isn't it?
Fate? It's a crock of shit, isn't it?
Botswana
(Don't look for meaning in the title because, unless you're Justice, Anita or myself, you simply won't find any).
Further to this and the title (only) of this, I have the following:
I am not content anymore in Oxford. This discontentment has been around since about September 2005, which is coincidentially about the same time as I got back from my last trip home. To New Zealand, that is. In reality, this is probably no coincidence. The discontentment rears its head in various forms and at various times. It's not a consequence of how I cam feeling today, or yesterday, or last week, rather I am sure I have noticed a pattern developing since September. And my gut feeling right now is that something has to change. At the moment it seems that it is the UK that is most at risk and I am feeling a very strong desire to return to New Zealand.
Last October I made an agreement with myself, and with Jim that I would not leave from something, rather I would have to leave to go to something. I don't want to be in a state of feeling that I am running from something. It's an agreement this week I also asked Megan to hold me to. But there are a lot of people in NZ that would be worth leaving to go to. But I'm not so naive to spot that a move to NZ would result in the grief of people left behind here. Once upon a time I used to mock some of my friends who's OE lasted less than a year. Now, to some extent at least, I envy them. The decision making process for them was a no-brainer. They went on holiday for a year and then they came back. NOT, I would stress, that I regret any of my time here. I have, for the most part, had a great time here. I've made friends I hope I will have for life and I've learnt things about me and my world that I could never have discovered if I'd stayed at home. There are places I've seen, one just across the border from Botswana, that have astonished me. And there are communities and ideas that I have learnt about that I would never have been open to had I stayed in NZ. But my thoughts right now is that maybe it is time to knock it on its head, hell, it's been over four years.
As Justice said to me last night there is no good time to go home. But you have to make that decision at some time. A valid decision being, of course, to decide to not go home. Today, I am closer than I have been in four years to deciding to go home.
Fortunately, I guess, it would take about three months to pack up my life so this would not be a rushed decision. Besides, I really want to be here for A and J's wedding in June.
Further to this and the title (only) of this, I have the following:
I am not content anymore in Oxford. This discontentment has been around since about September 2005, which is coincidentially about the same time as I got back from my last trip home. To New Zealand, that is. In reality, this is probably no coincidence. The discontentment rears its head in various forms and at various times. It's not a consequence of how I cam feeling today, or yesterday, or last week, rather I am sure I have noticed a pattern developing since September. And my gut feeling right now is that something has to change. At the moment it seems that it is the UK that is most at risk and I am feeling a very strong desire to return to New Zealand.
Last October I made an agreement with myself, and with Jim that I would not leave from something, rather I would have to leave to go to something. I don't want to be in a state of feeling that I am running from something. It's an agreement this week I also asked Megan to hold me to. But there are a lot of people in NZ that would be worth leaving to go to. But I'm not so naive to spot that a move to NZ would result in the grief of people left behind here. Once upon a time I used to mock some of my friends who's OE lasted less than a year. Now, to some extent at least, I envy them. The decision making process for them was a no-brainer. They went on holiday for a year and then they came back. NOT, I would stress, that I regret any of my time here. I have, for the most part, had a great time here. I've made friends I hope I will have for life and I've learnt things about me and my world that I could never have discovered if I'd stayed at home. There are places I've seen, one just across the border from Botswana, that have astonished me. And there are communities and ideas that I have learnt about that I would never have been open to had I stayed in NZ. But my thoughts right now is that maybe it is time to knock it on its head, hell, it's been over four years.
As Justice said to me last night there is no good time to go home. But you have to make that decision at some time. A valid decision being, of course, to decide to not go home. Today, I am closer than I have been in four years to deciding to go home.
Fortunately, I guess, it would take about three months to pack up my life so this would not be a rushed decision. Besides, I really want to be here for A and J's wedding in June.
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