ellipsis

(The bits I remember)

Flew to India...Saw poverty in the street...Saw cows in the street...Stayed in relative opulence...Couldn't drink garam masala tea...Flew to Kathmandu, couldn't land, flew to Calcutta, international flight became a domestic flight...Domestic flights are not allowed to serve alcohol...Stayed in faded glory five star hotel...Flew to Kathmandu...Landed in Kathmandu...face to face encounter with leper...Had dahl bat...Escaped the bandh and took bus to Pokhara...Caught up with friends...Caught a cold...Climbed Sarankot with small child on shoulders...Saw eagles...Saw very high mountains...Drank Special Edition Everest Beer...Oared on Phewa Tal...Stuck my hand in human shit...Had my first blade shave...Took jeep to Tansen...Driver answered mobile phone with both hands on sharp bend missing eternal abyss...Encountered Tansen Mission Hospital...Played numerous games of 'What's the time Mr. Wolf?'...Visited Nepali church in Nepali...Skipped out of Nepali church service at half time...So far avoided wiping my bum with my hand...Hit in the head by rock thrown by four year old ...More shoulder rides...Played with dirt...Read literary crud...More dahl bat...Made video of hospital...Laid around a lot...read more crud...Have generally great time with Sarah, Mike, and the three wee ones...Take nine hour Buck ride back to Kathmandu...Face to face with Downs Syndrome Nepali child in Butwal (I'm very sorry I didn't give you my biscuit)...Flew to see Mount Everest/Sagamartha/Chomolungma...Dodged piles of garbage in the street...Visted Monkey Temple with Cow, Sarah and cluelessly dressed Australian girl...Was freaked out by monkeys...Lots more eagles...Visited Kathmandu Durbar Square...Was somewhat disturbed by Hindu and Buddhist temples...Still don't know why this is...Had standout dinner at Kathmandu House Restaurant...Said goodbye to Sarah...Flew to Pokhara...Started five day Poon Hill trek in fair weather with the good guide Saran...Fair weather became less fair...Still managed to avoid using the back of the hand to wipe my bum...Started to get Heartland by The The and (Nothing but) Flowers by Talking Heads in my head... Glimpsed Annapurna South...Followed the chicken sellers of Pokhara...Learnt Nepali card game Dhumbal...Learnt that beer, toilet paper and mars bars are significantly more expensive than accomodation in the hills...Climbed to nearly the top of Poon Hill (3210m)...Cloud came down...Rain came down...Temperature went down...Hail came down...Temperature went down...Snow came down...Saw world's smallest glacier...Admired the snow in the hills...Carried on Ghandruk...Passed mute Nepali...Internally wept over mute Nepali...Did nothing else about mute Nepali...Stayed in big guesthouse in Ghandruk...Vowed to never stay in a guesthouse with TV ever again...Glimpsed Annapurna again...One kilometer straight down and one kilometer straight up in four hours...Finished walk...Returned to Pokhara for hot shower...No hot water in Pokhara...Went for shave and haircut...Had shave...Had haircut...Escaped being buggered/physically assaulted by barber by paying ten pounds to barber and his mate...Want to kill barber...Visited dry Dewi Falls and Cave Complex...Still wanting to murder barber...Spent morning oaring on Phewa Tal and admiring enormous mountains that had finally come out of their closet...Flew to Kathmandu...Eat final dahl bat dinner...Visited Bhaktapur Durbar Square...Made to visit Buddhist art school...Still uncomfortable in Buddhist temples...Pay pound to not buy any Buddhist artwork...Last glimpses of Himalayas...Flew to Delhi (no wiping of bum with hand in Nepal)...Went to visit Red Fort...Red Fort closed on Mondays...Went to visit Gandhi memorial...Gandhi memorial closed on Mondays...Went to visit Qatab Minar...Qatab Minar open on Mondays...Admire Qatab Minar...Joy-riding round Delhi on Tuk Tuk...Made to buy chess set...Visit magnificent Humayun's Tomb...Discovered I'm quite comfortable in mosques...Arrange train and guide for Agra...10.30pm bed time to be up early for train to Agra...11.30pm Capoeira starts outside hotel...12.00am fireworks start outside hotel...1.00am fireworks finish outside hotel...5.30am get up to catch Shatabi Express to Agra...Am served personal thermos of tea, plus paper, curry and bottle of water on Shatabi Express...Watch Indians crap in fields alongside track...Arrive in Agra...Visit Taj Mahal...Argue with security about the admitting of cows into Taj...Lose argument with security...Visit Taj alone...Get photo taken on Princess Di bench...Am overawed by Taj...More eagles...Visit older and littler 'Baby Taj'...Am taken to look at how marble is engraved...Penny hasn't dropped...Realise I am expected to buy something...Buy elephant embossed coasters...Visit place where carpets are handmade...Still slow on uptake...Finally realise I am expected to buy carpet...Have sweet nothings whispered in my ear by carpet salesman...Undecided about carpet...Sweet nothings get closer...Decide to not buy carpet...Carpet salesman brings out calculator...Salesman types number into calculator and doesn't use any of the mathematical operators...Affirm desire to not buy carpet...Plummet to lowest caste and am frogmarched from carpet showroom...Am taken by guide to more shops...Tell guide I do not want to be taken to anymore shops...Becoming passive aggressive...Am taken to another set of shops...Passive aggression about to become unpassive...Am finally taken to Agra Fort...Spend hours admiring Islamic architecture, views of Taj, monkeys and hundreds of eagles, while avoiding returning to the guide...Decide Agra Fort is an outrageously good place to wile away the hours and avoid guide...Return to guide...Am taken to another shop...Choose to buy wooden statue of Gandhi...Tell guide to take me to place to drink beer...Last sighting of guide...Drink beer...Driver returns me to station...Tip driver on the basis of him not being the guide...Wait on platform...Watch 16 year old boy with one leg pull himself along the platform to beg...More grieving but no money for 16 year old amputee...Return to Delhi...Have great encounters with three generations of Indian family...Still have Heartland and (Nothing but) Flowers in my head...Still haven't used hand to wipe bum...See last eagles...Leave Delhi...Arrive in Oxford...Brush teeth using tap water for first time in four weeks...Delhi Belly symptoms arrive.